Just thought I'd say hello and that Ryan is gonna get his ass BUSTED by Lyzander's mom. Holy SHIT. She is such a bitch. And that's the whole reason why I have to sneak around with him when we wanna hang out. Ugh. Anyways, Ryan is gonna get killed. Murdered. Slaughtered. Burnt. Cut. Anything like that. He's a year older than me, and is turning 21 in September or August or something. Lyzander = 16. They're already like "oh my god, I love you" and they've known each other for..what? 4 days? Yeah, thanks to me, bitches. I fuckin' introduced them to each other so yeah. AND I HAD TO STAY UP TILL 7 WHEN I WAS OVER THERE THE OTHER DAY BECAUSE THEY WERE FUCKING LIKE FUCKING RABBITS IN HIS BED. WHAT THE FUCK.

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK.

I can't sleep properly anymore. I keep waking up at 3. It's lame.

Oh well.

Ryan finally found somebody.

Finally.

FINALLY.

I wonder if when Ryan leaves again for a month next weekend that I'm gonna have to pick up Lyzander's damn heart off the floor. Yeah. He better fucking let Lyzander go with him. I don't feel like murdering somebody.

Anyways..


I haven't talked to James in like, 3 days.

And I'm freaking.

How fun.

grantland73: : )
grantland73: i <3 you too, gorgeous
xxxx: haha
xxxx: : )
xxxx: and so there ya go
xxxx: a lovely picture for a lovely boy
grantland73: : )
grantland73: je'taimeje'taimeje'taime
grantland73: <333333333333333333333333333
xxxx: : )
grantland73: grantland73: do you want me??
grantland73: that question
xxxx: want you as in....
grantland73: <3333
xxxx: like...
xxxx: sexually?
xxxx: in a boyfriend kind of way?
grantland73: sure
grantland73: both..?
grantland73: sure
xxxx: none
grantland73: whatever
xxxx: in a friend kind of way
grantland73: oh
grantland73: thanks for teasing me then
xxxx signed off at 12:52:46 AM.

I should shoot myself for falling in love so easily.

I found the one perfect boy, and I fuck it up by falling for someone else.

Shaw and James are no longer pissed off at me. Party. I asked James if he wanted to go out AGAIN, said yes. Honestly, I don't think I could live without him. Boyfriend or friend. But right now, I'd rather it be boyfriend.

...I let Nicole mess with my hair earlier, and now it's curled... It's not like it looks horribly bad or anything, I just like it better in my eyes. But now my hair is thicker/stronger. I win.

I'm watching Hairspray, fucking lame.

--

"I swear I'd burn this city down just to show you the light."

No scratches or fingerprints on this cd yet.

Can someone say fuck yes?

Fuck yes.

NO ONE BETTER FUCKING TOUCH THIS CD.

Shaw bought me three cd's.

Bright Eyes: The Story is in the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground CD

Fall Out Boy: My Heart Will Always be the B-side To My Tongue CD/DVD

Hawthorne Heights: The Silence in Black & White; Black Version CD/DVD

I'm pretty much really happy.

I love this FOB cd. And the dvd is fucking amazing also. Pete Wentz should be my fucking lover.

Shaw fucking owns, and you should all fucking bow down to him for making me so happy.

I'm telling him tonight.

He needs to get off the motherfuckin' phone.

Me and James are no longer.

It hasn't hit me yet, but I'm sure it will soon.

---

So these ringtone commercials are getting fucking aggravating.

I just saw one where this girl is moaning. Like, an out-of-breath moaning. That would be pretty horrible if you were at a movie/funeral/wedding and your cell starting ringing with that. I would die.

---

Shaw and Bree are taking me to the mall tommorrow in an attempt to cheer me up.

Shaw, being the fucking rich bastard he is, is offering to let me pick out anything, and I won't have to pay for it. I guess that's cool, but I'm gonna use my own money, thank you.

Bree's birthday is Frrriday. I can't wait, because I have something good planned. And she better fuckin' like it, or I'mma smack that bitch up. (not really) Fucking expensive shit.....

Has anyone heard that new Finch song? Fuck, that is the lamest shit I've ever heard. They used to be good. Now they sound like Smile Empty Soul. Fuck that shit. Smile Empty Soul owns their fucking souls.

"I think I lost him."
"James? Holy shit."
"No."
"Oh...Then what are you talking about?"
"Myself."
"What's wrong?"
"I feel different than I always have."
"What do you mean, always?"
"Just my normal self."
"Are you gonna be okay this time? Should I come back and take time off?"
"No."
"No what?"
"No to everything."
"Christ, Grant, come on. Are you alright right now? What are you doing?"
"Nothing."
"Are you sure?"
"No."
"I'm coming home."
"No, you're not."
"Yes I fucking am, shut the fuck up, I'm packing."
"I miss you."
"I miss you too, buddy, I'll be home in two days tops, I promise."
"Talk so I can fall asleep."
"I'm boring?"
"..No."
"Oh."

---

I wish I didn't miss him so much. It would make things better if I could see him.

---







































Razors are my best friends.

Mystery is not the denial of reason but its honest confirmation: Reason, indeed, leads inevitably to mystery... Mystery and reality are the two halves of the same sphere. - Walt Whitman

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. - Albert Einstein

You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows. - Bob Dylan

Passion is the quickest to develop, and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still. - Dr. Robert J. Sternberg

Life was meant to be lived, amd curiosity must be kept alive. - Eleanor Roosevelt

And,

Tu es tellement belle.

Je t'aime. <3 C.L. <3

I hope the second part is right.

I had a bad/good dream last night.

It kept me from falling back asleep.

The bad part:

It was about HIM.

The good part:

See above.


There's a dry spot of skin on my nose..

I'm eating actual pure sugar. Actually, I think it's sugar made for coffee...whatever. I'm eating it from a tiny bowl that I think is made for sauces. I'll be up all night, if you are too, (JAMES), call me, (JAMES).

RAAAAAAAAWRRR, there's no one to talk to.

Pleeeease, someone IM me.

(grantland73, ADVERTIIIISSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEE, ADVEEEERRRRTIIISE, grantland73, ADVERTIIIIIIIISE)

Maybe I should call Breebers and Ryan, it's probably ten whereever he is at the moment, I hope whatever show is over.

BRANDON IS ONLINE, YEEEEEEEEEEEEEES, SOMEONE TO TALK TO.

Did I tell you he apologized for being such an ass lately? He apologized to like, everyone. I hope that means he's being sincere. (compulsive liiiiiar alert, BEEEEEEEEEEP FUCKIN' BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I'm not even listening to the song listed above/below anymore. HAHA. I'm on Bowl of Oranges. (singing!!!!!!!) So that's how I learned the lesson, that everyone's alooone. AND YOUR EYES MUST DO SOME RAIIIIININ' IF YOU'RE EVER GONNNAAAA GROOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Motherfuckas.

I'm hyper.

Talk to me.

Hoes.

ILOVEYOUALL

-GEEEEEEEE MUTHAFUCKA SKEET SKEET BITCHES